Are you settling in your relationship? It’s time to move beyond comfort and start loving. Here’s how to do just that.
From a young age, we’re taught that if someone is mean to us, it means they like us. How is this logical? How is it possible that we have been conditioned to love people who hurt us? How can we break the cycle? How can we decipher who is really down for us? The answer is you.
You must find within yourself what you deserve and what you can handle from a significant other. Love is such a luxury when we are able to love in a healthy way, but unfortunately I’m finding that, in this day and age, we are losing the passion to love not only others but ourselves as well.
What makes me a love expert like Kristoff’s troll friends you may ask. Well, I can’t say that I’m an expert because of the successful relationships I’m surrounded by—unfortunately, it’s quite the opposite.
Just to give you an idea, I can count on two hands how many weddings I’ve been asked to be a part of and only one has happened. Now they all had their own reasons for not working out that are out of our hands, but falling for the wrong people can be something we can at least try and change for ourselves.
Nobody wants to be hurt, and I don’t think the majority of people in this world want to hurt others, I like to believe that people are good and don’t want to cause others pain. I’m here to answer where we are going wrong.
Knowing what you want isn’t enough
When you think about what you want, you’re probably thinking with your emotions rather than your brain. The majority of us can agree that we want Channing Tatum “Magic Miking” in our living room for a private show, but do we really expect something long term? No, he’s already married with a child.
We say we want the white picket fence, but the thing is we don’t need it. If it happens for you, that’s great, but we need to stop looking at our lives like checklists; we need to stop going through motions; we need to live extraordinary lives. We need to know what kind of person we are and what kind of person we need to grow with. When it comes to relationships, love isn’t always enough.
We can love someone very deeply, but they can bring out the absolute worst in us. If you’re just looking for someone to fill your time temporarily, maybe that person works for you, but in the long run, your partner should be complementing your personality in a way no one else does.
They should challenge you to reach your goals; they should know how to turn your bad days around to great days; most of all, your partner should support you in all your ventures and help you to achieve your long-term goals. On the other hand, this person can’t be sunshine and rainbows all the time—nobody can; if they are, they are more than likely hiding something.
I always loved the quote from the movie “This Means War:” Chelsea Handler’s character is discussing her relationship with her husband with Reese Witherspoon’s character, and she says, “I know he’s fat and ridiculous. But he’s my fat, my ridiculous. I like the way I am with him. Don’t choose the better guy. Choose the guy that will make you a better girl.”
I believe in this wholeheartedly. I’ve seen so many couples that have just such amazing people involved but don’t work out because they aren’t each other’s person. It doesn’t make anyone the bad guy; it’s simply that you’re wasting each other’s time because of the comfort you feel with one another. In reality, you are just being selfish because you are keeping that person from their full potential as a partner and sometimes from their true selves.
We fought about dumb things, broke up, got back together, saw other people and ultimately went our separate ways after a couple years of same old same old. For the longest time, I settled for the pain he caused me because I thought love was all I needed. I was so wrong.
I was so comfortable in our relationship because we knew each other. People tend to think that because they’ve spent a decent amount of their life with someone, or gone through a lot of things with them, that it would be impossible to live without that person.
Also, as a side note, if the person you’re with cheats on you and tells you about it, that person more than likely wants out but just can’t do it themselves; they need you to break it off. In contrast, if someone cheats on you and you find out another way rather than directly from your partner, they want their cake and to eat it; they will not change. In both scenarios, they are not your person and nobody deserves to feel less than enough for anyone.
I sometimes wish there was a way to not feel for someone until you knew they were the person for you. Unfortunately, we are stuck learning the hard way.
As I mentioned above, don’t settle for someone who brings out the bad in you; sometimes we get comfortable even with the not so great version of ourselves and lose all sense of what makes us good and loveable. When you’ve lost yourself completely, you’ll wish you had just separated yourself from whatever made you change into the person you became.
We say we want the white picket fence, but the thing is we don’t need it. If it happens for you, that’s great, but we need to stop looking at our lives like checklists; we need to stop going through motions; we need to live extraordinary lives. We need to know what kind of person we are and what kind of person we need to grow with. When it comes to relationships, love isn’t always enough.
We can love someone very deeply, but they can bring out the absolute worst in us. If you’re just looking for someone to fill your time temporarily, maybe that person works for you, but in the long run, your partner should be complementing your personality in a way no one else does.
They should challenge you to reach your goals; they should know how to turn your bad days around to great days; most of all, your partner should support you in all your ventures and help you to achieve your long-term goals. On the other hand, this person can’t be sunshine and rainbows all the time—nobody can; if they are, they are more than likely hiding something.
I always loved the quote from the movie “This Means War:” Chelsea Handler’s character is discussing her relationship with her husband with Reese Witherspoon’s character, and she says, “I know he’s fat and ridiculous. But he’s my fat, my ridiculous. I like the way I am with him. Don’t choose the better guy. Choose the guy that will make you a better girl.”
I believe in this wholeheartedly. I’ve seen so many couples that have just such amazing people involved but don’t work out because they aren’t each other’s person. It doesn’t make anyone the bad guy; it’s simply that you’re wasting each other’s time because of the comfort you feel with one another. In reality, you are just being selfish because you are keeping that person from their full potential as a partner and sometimes from their true selves.
But we’ve been together so long…. Who cares?
My first relationship happened to be with a guy who was originally my best friend. We talked for hours about our love lives, our hopes and dreams until one day we decided that we wanted to be each other’s hopes and dreams. We were so comfortable with each other that we jumped into it quickly because we already loved each other, so everything else just came so naturally.We fought about dumb things, broke up, got back together, saw other people and ultimately went our separate ways after a couple years of same old same old. For the longest time, I settled for the pain he caused me because I thought love was all I needed. I was so wrong.
I was so comfortable in our relationship because we knew each other. People tend to think that because they’ve spent a decent amount of their life with someone, or gone through a lot of things with them, that it would be impossible to live without that person.
Also, as a side note, if the person you’re with cheats on you and tells you about it, that person more than likely wants out but just can’t do it themselves; they need you to break it off. In contrast, if someone cheats on you and you find out another way rather than directly from your partner, they want their cake and to eat it; they will not change. In both scenarios, they are not your person and nobody deserves to feel less than enough for anyone.
I sometimes wish there was a way to not feel for someone until you knew they were the person for you. Unfortunately, we are stuck learning the hard way.
As I mentioned above, don’t settle for someone who brings out the bad in you; sometimes we get comfortable even with the not so great version of ourselves and lose all sense of what makes us good and loveable. When you’ve lost yourself completely, you’ll wish you had just separated yourself from whatever made you change into the person you became.
We accept the love we think we deserve
“Sometimes you kind of have to die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” I hate that I even have to have this section in here because it is so repetitive, but there’s something about the idea of loving yourself that some people don’t get.
I understand that it’s almost more difficult to love ourselves than to love others because we are our biggest critics, but how can you expect someone to really love you if you can’t love yourself completely and know yourself. The process of finding, loving and respecting yourself is actually pretty simple: try new things, do the things you know you already love, surround yourself with people who lift you up, never get too comfortable and always surprise yourself.
I lost myself completely: I became a blah person who could care less about her life; I didn’t know what I wanted, needed or who I was supposed to be. I moved around CA for a while, and while the last few years have been some of the roughest of my life, they have molded me into the person I am today. Other than a few health setbacks, I love who I am. I have no idea where I’m going, but all I can say is it’s going to be good. Now back to you.
I wish there was just one sure way to start loving yourself, but there isn’t. I wake up and look at the things around me: I created this life I’m living and for once I’m living my life free of outside obligations; everything I am responsible for is my choice. I associate myself with people who understand me and help me grow. I look myself in the eye in the mirror and I remember how strong I am; I remember all the things about myself that make me the amazing person I am.
Maybe I’m cocky, but maybe I just know what I bring to the table and I won’t settle for anything less. I know what I need to live a happy and healthy life, and until I find a man who sees that, I will remain single and open to the opportunities and people thrown my way.
Never let people make you feel bad about your journey. Unfortunately, we live in a society that judges people based on their differences rather than praises them for their accomplishments. Every person has their own way of doing things, and maybe it’s wrong in others’ eyes, but it’s not and even if it is we have to learn about these things on our own.
There’s nothing simple about love. Although it’s scary, we have to be open enough to let people in, but selective enough to say no to the people who can’t fulfill our personal needs. Serial monogamists need to learn what it is to love themselves so that they aren’t constantly getting hurt or hurting others with meaningless relationships.
RECOMMEND:
8 Ways To Flatten Your Belly This Ember Month
INSTRUCTIONS TO GET AN EX BOYFRIEND BACK WITH RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES
Wedding Dress Styles For Fat Ladies (Plus-Size).
I understand that it’s almost more difficult to love ourselves than to love others because we are our biggest critics, but how can you expect someone to really love you if you can’t love yourself completely and know yourself. The process of finding, loving and respecting yourself is actually pretty simple: try new things, do the things you know you already love, surround yourself with people who lift you up, never get too comfortable and always surprise yourself.
I lost myself completely: I became a blah person who could care less about her life; I didn’t know what I wanted, needed or who I was supposed to be. I moved around CA for a while, and while the last few years have been some of the roughest of my life, they have molded me into the person I am today. Other than a few health setbacks, I love who I am. I have no idea where I’m going, but all I can say is it’s going to be good. Now back to you.
I wish there was just one sure way to start loving yourself, but there isn’t. I wake up and look at the things around me: I created this life I’m living and for once I’m living my life free of outside obligations; everything I am responsible for is my choice. I associate myself with people who understand me and help me grow. I look myself in the eye in the mirror and I remember how strong I am; I remember all the things about myself that make me the amazing person I am.
Maybe I’m cocky, but maybe I just know what I bring to the table and I won’t settle for anything less. I know what I need to live a happy and healthy life, and until I find a man who sees that, I will remain single and open to the opportunities and people thrown my way.
Never let people make you feel bad about your journey. Unfortunately, we live in a society that judges people based on their differences rather than praises them for their accomplishments. Every person has their own way of doing things, and maybe it’s wrong in others’ eyes, but it’s not and even if it is we have to learn about these things on our own.
There’s nothing simple about love. Although it’s scary, we have to be open enough to let people in, but selective enough to say no to the people who can’t fulfill our personal needs. Serial monogamists need to learn what it is to love themselves so that they aren’t constantly getting hurt or hurting others with meaningless relationships.
RECOMMEND:
8 Ways To Flatten Your Belly This Ember Month
INSTRUCTIONS TO GET AN EX BOYFRIEND BACK WITH RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES
Wedding Dress Styles For Fat Ladies (Plus-Size).
SHARE THIS POST
I think that in any case in the relationship between two people in love have to discuss all the problems and try to find the way out of it. I will save these tips, I am gonna use it in my relationship with my Ukrainian bride, we met each other at http://nikolaev-marriage-agency.com/nikolayev-place-to-look-bride/.
ReplyDeleteAlright. That will be cool, give it a try because it has really helped most of my friends.
Delete