‘The Resident Evil 7’ review: It's a screaming good time

    Few things are more emasculating than shrieking like a frightened child in front of your fiancée. And yet, that’s exactly what I did this week while playing Capcom’s new “Resident Evil 7: Biohazard.” She hasn’t looked at me the same way since. So, thanks for that, Capcom.
The good news is that the latest entry in the 20-year-old franchise is a return to form for a series that has fallen off significantly since the excellent “Resident Evil 4” was released 12 years ago.
But unlike “Resident Evil 4,” which was more of an action game than anything scary, “Resident Evil 7” plants its flag firmly in the survival-horror genre the series helped define with the very first “Resident Evil.”

Home is where the horror is

“Resident Evil 7” puts you in the shoes of Ethan Winters, A.K.A. Joe Everyman. Your wife Mia has been missing for three years, when you suddenly receive a message asking you to meet her at the ramshackle home of the Baker family in the remote swamps of Louisiana.

There you run into the insane Baker clan, which includes the seemingly un-killable patriarch, Jack, his wife Marguerite, their son Lucas and a seemingly mute, old woman in a wheelchair.

Jack Baker is not the most welcoming host.

The Baker compound is made up of a small collection of buildings: a main house, a guesthouse, several smaller rundown structures. Beneath it all, though, is a labyrinthine system of cramped basements and tunnels that leave you feeling claustrophobic and vulnerable.

Capcom has done a wonderful job bringing this twisted world to life. The graphics are absolutely beautiful. I’ve never been more in awe of a pile of human viscera left to rot in a hallway. (I have also never actually seen a pile of human viscera rotting in a hallway.)

All in the family

The Bakers are certainly the most interesting part of the game. You’re first introduced to the clan in a dinner scene straight out of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Jack is basically a walking “Deliverance” meme, Marguerite is responsible for some of the most creative profanity I’ve heard in quite a while and Lucas seems to have patterned his skills after Jigsaw from the “Saw” movies.

Jack, in particular, is a beast of a man, smashing through walls and heckling you as you try to escape his grasp. Get caught, and my God, do things get bloody. ”Resident Evil 7” is a gore fest to the extreme. Things get nasty, and they stay that way.

Outside of the Bakers, though, “Resident Evil 7’s” enemies are a bit stale. The humanoid muck monsters that make up the bulk of the game’s antagonists are certainly creepy, but they’re far from the smartest enemies, and you can usually deduce where they’ll likely try to sneak up on you.

Fight for your life

Regardless of which enemy you run across, “Resident Evil 7’s” fights are a lot of fun. The controls are smooth and aiming is spot on. Your weapons have the right amount of heft to give you a proper sense of their power. Your pistol packs a decent punch, but the shotgun is an absolute monster, with enough recoil to make it feel like your shoulder might get blown out of its socket.

True to the franchise’s classic formula, “Resident Evil 7” puts a premium on ammo. You could be walking around with 30 handgun rounds and think you’re ready to take on anything the game throws at you, only to run into a new gross swamp monster that soaks up bullets like a slimy sponge.

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