I had a boyfriend in college who was obsessed with locating and banging my G spot. It was the most frustrating s3xual experience of my life.
And some women respond to G spot stuff and others don’t. Let’s just get that out of the way.
I am absolutely someone who does. I love that shit. It feels amazing and after some serious practice, it’s in my day-to-day repertoire.
The problem with this partner was that he was focused on himself. He thought his special G spot tricks would give me the most amazing earth shattering orgasm evah. He saw it as his duty to give me this orgasm – it is how he showed me he cared. I think…
And while he jabbed and tickled his way around my nether-regions, he completely bypassed the best part of my body.
My clit.
I remember trying to squirm around and position myself to make it easier for him to give me a little finger action. I would splay myself on the bed and dirty talk about licking/stroking/acknowledging my clit, but he drove on. Hard and fast. He clearly never got my (not-so) subtle hints.
This kind of detached selfishness is so common. Some men are so focused on their idea of what will please a woman, that they forget to ask their partner what actually feels good. They see themselves as crusaders for great s3x and want to prove that not all men are dogs. Ironically, in their conquest, they actually prove that men are actually inherently selfish. (Don’t let that bother you, women are inherently selfish too because of being humans)
I talk about the balance of selfishness in the Soul Shaking s3x Workshop Series
So what do you do when your partner is ignoring your needs so they can give you what they want?
Listen to them
We give our partners what we want. This is a game-changing piece of info.
I love playing with my boyfriends hair at the nape of his neck, because that’s probably what I want from him.
The way your partner touches you and shows you love is often the way that they want to be touched and loved. That’s a fact. This practice of mirroring is so helpful. Listen and watch what your partner does, especially when you don’t respond and they keep doing it anyways. They are probably subconsciously telling you that’s what they want.
Ask for what you want
Before you complain to your girlfriends/dudefriends about how bummed you are, ask yourself this: Have you actually asked your partner for what you really want?
This brings up the greatest fail in modern relationships. Men want to be told what feels best. It makes their job easier. And the “subtle” hints you’re leaving aren’t registering for them because MAFMWAFV. Women, on the other side of the Universe, don’t want to verbalize what they want, because they don’t want to make their partner feel inadaquate. This is where most bedroom frustration starts. So just tell them what you like and how, make it s3xy dirty talk, not clinical directives.
Maybe they’re right
Just playing devil’s advocate here. But maybe they’re right. Maybe they are going to give you the most amazing orgasm evah. Some men are amazingly intuitive and experienced. Those are the people you should be dating/fucking. So when they say they’ve got a trick you should experience; lay back, relax and give them a chance to prove it. They might just blow your mind.
G spot is one option
For all you entrepreneurs, you should be familiar with A/B testing. Before making a decision, test out a few different options. Without judgement you let the results speak for themselves. This rule applies to s3x too. A/B test your s3xual experiences. Try something and then try something else. See which one gets the most errrhmmm… positive reaction. Don’t go into a situation thinking you know the “best way” to do something. Let the results speak for themselves.
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