How To Get Back Anything You have Loaned Fast, and Without an Argument

Many of us have had the experience of loaning something out, whether it's money, a chain saw, or whatever, only to feel uncomfortable when asking for it back. Of course the obligation shouldn't fall on you to get it back; the person you've loaned it to should return it without your having to ask. But when he doesn't, here's how to get back anything quickly and easily. (By the way, if you have trouble saying no when asked for things, read the next chapter and never feel guilty again!)

The first stage of this technique is simply to ask for it. Sometimes the direct approach works best. And be sure to include a valid reason as to why you need it back now. For instance, "Sam, that two hundred fifty dollars I loaned you last week I need back because I have to pay off a bill that comes due tomorrow." Simple, direct, and to the point. And if we lived in a perfect world this would be enough, but we don't, so often it isn't.

If this doesn't work then you need to create more leverage. Since someone has what you want you need to up the ante and appeal to his ego. This can be done several ways. The following strategies can be used in order and until you meet with success. As you will see if you meet with resistance the tactics increase in severity.

1. Tell the individual that you know her to be the kind of person who does the right thing. In fact, that's something you admire most about her. This statement brings her self-worth and belief system into the equation (we've covered this in detail in previous chapters). Now by not giving you back what she borrowed she risks having to re-evaluate her self-concept and how she sees herself. You might say something such as, "You know, Samantha, what I've always liked about you is that you try to do what's right and fair." Then in a few hours simply ask for your money and she's going to be unconsciously motivated to do what is "right and fair."

2. With this technique you appeal to her sense of dignity. Tell her that a few people you both know (in shipping/on the block/at the salon—you need not mention names) told you that you would never get it back. You might say, "I don't want them to be right about this; it'll make us both look foolish." This makes her feel as if everybody is talking about her and she's going to want to institute damage control—and that means giving you what she owes you.

3. If this doesn't work then you need to use more severe measures. You do this by saying that you're going to have to tell others about this so they won't lose money to her as you did. Most people will do anything to protect their public image, especially something as simple and easy as giving back something that they've borrowed.

Strategy Review:

Simply ask for it, being sure to include a reason as to why you need it back now.Tell her that
you think of her as the kind of person who always tries to do the right thing. Appeal to her sense of dignity. Tell her that a few people you both know told you that you would never get it back.
Tell her that you're going to have to tell others so they won't lose anything to her as you did.
Remember too that people do favours for those they like. And yes, some consider giving you back what's owed to you as a favour.

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